Anguish - How to find yourself only to be lost again. The novel that broke me.

The number one question I get these days is, "When are we going to see a new book from you?: And occasionally I get, "Why don't you write anymore?"

My path to those answers has been a long, emotional one. My first thought on the matter - well, I had just written THE book. You know, the one that you never thought you had the time, patience, or talent to write. You know, that idea for a story that is so perfect you just can't imagine being able to do it justice.

Well, as it turns out, I was able to turn that idea into a novel that I was so very proud of. A novel that was so emotionally powerful that it broke me.

As I started to build pieces of myself back together, I mistakenly thought that the writing I hadn't been able to do would soon come back. As I forced myself to write two more books, I thought maybe the curse was gone. But as the high of publications for those two books wore off, I realized that writing them had been a torturous chore that I couldn't bring myself to repeat. I needed to find out why I still couldn't write easily anymore. I mean I felt whole again, for the most part, after the intense emotional effect of the novel so I should be able to create again, right?

So, if it wasn't the novel, what was it? One of my kids thought maybe it was because they had so many doctor and counseling appointments but I quickly dismissed that because I was famous for writing while my kids did one activity or another. And it was proven correct recently when I stopped being the one to take them to their appointments. The writing didn't increase with the amount of free time.

Next up! Another of my children thought maybe it was my new bestie causing an issue. I met him at a time when I was at my wit's end and was ready to quit EVERYTHING. As he slowly helped me through it, we started to spend a lot of time together. But I knew fairly quickly that my loss of mojo has nothing to do with my friendship, however. My best friend and I have the kind of relationship where sometimes we just sit on video chat and do our own things, happy just to be close when in real life we live 8900 miles apart. I tried and tried and tried to write while on the phone with my best friend and while off; still nothing but a blank page staring back at me.

At this point, I had pretty much given up. A run-in in my personal life kept me off my author-based social media for about three years. So now, I felt out of the loop and afraid I no longer knew how to do what needed to be done.

As you can tell, though, I haven't given up yet. I'm writing these blogs and writing prompts on my website to help me write again. So, how did I come to realize that I still loved writing and wanted to keep trying? How did I learn what had kept me from writing for so long?

Well, one day I was looking through my social media and came across an old post about my novel, Anguish (The book), and how it had torn me apart. IN that one brief moment, I realized that I'd been able to piece my soul back together but not my confidence or my talent. They are still shattered into a million pieces. And once I had the realization, another question raised its ugly head. How on earth do I put those two things back together? I knew it would be harder than repairing my soul.

Here I am now, at my wit's end again. I need to write!!!! But how? Everyone always said to "just write". Well, that's easy for them to say They aren't the one who ends up in tears every time they take out their novel to work on it.

One day I was sitting here on social media... again and saw a post about my old mommy blog. And that's when it hit me. No one said I had to write a novel to get my mojo back. Maybe if I took it slow and steady (and short), I could win this race. Short blog posts and prompts could be my saving grace. In any case, it's worth a shot. If it works great. If it doesn't... well, I'll think about it if the time comes.

Until Next Time...

Interested in Anguish? Check it out on Amazon. And don't say I didn't warn you - It's a crazy, emotional ride!

One young man One desperate decision Being a teenager is hard enough, but when you have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety life can feel like it is caving in on you. When you add in a new awareness of your sexuality and falling in love for the first time, life can become almost too much to bear. Ben Harper is determined to make it all work with the help of his best friend and new love, JC Croft. But when his inner demons conspire against him, can he come out on top or will he be crushed by the pressure?

https://www.amazon.com/Anguish-Harpers-Rock-Legacy-Novel/dp/1981710760