How We Love Our Kids

There are many ways in which we can love our kids. We can hug them, play with them, take them places, and sometimes even buy them things but not in the sense you might think. Just buying them everything they want isn't going to help. But you know what I'm talking about, it's that thing when we buy them an educational toy because they need help in math, or when we buy them clothes to keep them warm or food to keep them nourished.

But how else can we show love to our kids? This is the hardest part for a parent to realize, but sometimes letting our kids fall, yelling at them, punishing them, making them do things they don't want to do is the best way of all to love our children.

And of course, I think we've all failed miserably at some point. But hopefully, we find a balance to help our children be the best they can be. One or more of my children really needed intense mental health help but our local extended-stay mental facility is known for being very abusive and making kids worse off than when they went in. I could never take that step and send them to that place. Am I a bad mom because I didn't? I'm going to say no because there was proof of the way that place was run. But what if I had sent them and it had helped? What if I had moved out of state for a bit and found a different hospital for them? What if I'd sent them to their grandparents or an aunt or uncle and got them help in their states? Maybe they wouldn't be struggling so much today with their past demons. Or maybe their dad and I did our best and got them what help we could. My case was a bit different, though, I was so emotionally paralyzed myself the last few years that I couldn't do anything but keep myself alive let alone my beautiful children. But now, I'm out of their lives physically and I'm confident that their dad will do what needs to be done to make sure they are productive members of society.

Can you think of other examples? If your kid does something, punish them. I know you might be afraid of the neighbors reporting if you spank them or if you accidentally do something that they won't like. But please remember if you don't put your foot down and punish them and take care of their mental health, it will be the prison officials they come across in their adult lives that will. We are their parents, not their friends. I had to repeat that to myself many times in the past and I hope everyone else does so now.

I know how scary it is to think of your kid hating you or being investigated by the authorities, or even reporting you themselves. Still, I will be honest, from the ladies I've discussed this subject with, it is nowhere near as scary as watching your child marched into a courtroom and sentenced to spend much of the rest of their lives behind a set of bars because they took someone's life or property. It's nowhere near as scary as getting a call from the warden telling you that your child is dead at the hands of another inmate. To help your fears make sure you have family you can trust. Make sure to write down or record incidents, even have witnesses if you can. And you know, if you are fighting hard to get your child help, most authorities are going to know that you are not the one making them have the problems they are having. I know it's hard, I know, but you are all they have to help them.

My ex and I made so many mistakes in our parenting, but when it came down to their overall well-being, I'd like to think that more times than not, we let them hate us sometimes so they would learn how to be a functioning member of society, however, I am by no means saying that we did it enough.

If your child is acting out, angry, depressed, or violent, don't just chalk it up to being a kid. Because most kids are not that way. Have them seen by a doctor or a counselor and keep having them seen until they do something to help your child. And just a note, schools do not always see the bigger picture, nor do they want to report a troubled child because they lose funding if the child is moved to a facility or homeschooled. My autistic daughter was never on the school's radar until she was diagnosed at ten years of age. Yes, they can fall through the cracks but you are the one who can make sure they don't. (Many cities, counties, towns and even countries have low to no cost programs for children's mental health so check it out.)

And don't forget to repeat after me... I am my child's parent, not their friend. I am my child's parent, not their friend. And comment to let me know if you want me to do a blog on the stigma some parents don't want to face when they get their child mental health help!!!

Until Next Time...